Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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