Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
