dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
