if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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