Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
