So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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