You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
