She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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