Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
