i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
