I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
