I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
