peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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