Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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