I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
