so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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