11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
