Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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