My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just sucked dick on a ferry
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
