Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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