Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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