I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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