I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
