Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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