just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize