when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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