TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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