Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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