the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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