He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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