at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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