I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
