what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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