awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I AM VODKA MAN
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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