We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize