WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
