next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
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I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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