we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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