There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize