why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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