As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
