There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
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Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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