'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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