I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
