I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
