Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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