i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
