The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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