shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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