I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
