I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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