I heard we made out
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
