There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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