zippers are such a cool invention
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
