She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
