i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
