i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
