just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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