Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
