would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
