Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
