my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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