Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
